ADHD and External Validation: Why Praise Matters So Much
It's only Tuesday, and the same theme has come up in three of my coaching sessions. The common thread was an “ah-ha moment” each client had when they realized just how motivated they are by external validation.
One client, while exploring the conditions needed to do his best work, had a revelation: "I am really, really motivated by praise from my manager. It's my main motivator at work." As both someone with ADHD and an ADHD coach, I hear this frequently from our clients, and I deeply resonate with it myself.
Why External Validation is Extra Motivating for ADHDers
Research shows why people with ADHD respond so strongly to external praise. We typically have lower baseline dopamine levels in our brains (Volkow et al., 2009), and external praise provides an immediate dopamine release that naturally boosts our motivation (Schultz, 2013; Li et al., 2016). This makes praise effective at helping us overcome common ADHD challenges with executive function.
While external validation can boost performance, its role in motivation is complex. In our coaching practice, I see this play out in several ways.
Over-reliance
Sometimes, external validation becomes a crutch - the only thing keeping us going in work that doesn't naturally engage us. Consider a professional who noticed his manager's praise is his primary motivator in an unfulfilling role. While this might work in the short term, this type of motivation is out of our control so not a reliable source. It flags a need to find work that sparks genuine interest which in turn creates natural, intrinsic motivation.
People Pleasing
For others, this pursuit can end up overriding personal boundaries. Take a team leader recently returning from maternity leave and on reduced hours to manage her caregiving responsibilities of two young kids. She finds herself taking on extra work despite having clear time constraints. Why? She was driven by fear of being perceived by her co-workers as not pulling her weight, despite her track record of high performance.
Perfectionism
I also see how pursuing external validation can create a complex performance cycle. Imagine an HR specialist with a need to be seen as the expert at work. She pushes herself to spend excessive time perfecting deliverables. While this has led to impressive achievements and recognition, it’s raised important questions for her about sustainable work patterns and authentic motivation.
In coaching, we explore how to maintain a more sustainable balance. This means leveraging external validation where it serves us, while building other sources of motivation that come from within and align with our boundaries, values and interests.
How does this show up in your work life? Grab your journal and consider:
When do you feel most energized by feedback at work? What types of recognition truly motivate you?
How might you create more opportunities for meaningful feedback in your current role?
What's the difference between feedback that energizes you versus feedback that triggers perfectionist or people pleasing tendencies?
What would motivate you to do this work even without external recognition?
While we've focused on workplace examples, these patterns often show up in other areas of life too. Feel free to apply these questions to your personal life, or relationships.
The key isn't to eliminate your response to external validation. It’s to consider if it’s currently a sustainable motivator for you, and to build a broader motivational toolkit that includes both external recognition and internal drivers.
Want to explore how these patterns show up in your life? Our team of qualified ADHD coaches specializes in helping clients discover and leverage their motivational patterns to get things done easier. Book a Discovery Session at this link to meet with a coach and learn more about working with us.
